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All Fortune Cookie texts from Shadow Warrior Classic, Wanton Destruction, Twin Dragon and Shadow Warrior (2013).

Classic Edit

  • "Sorry, you no win this time, try again."
  • "Baseball wrong. Man with 4 balls cannot walk."
  • "No man is island, except Lo Wang."
  • "You should kill all business associates."
  • "You should not scratch yourself there."
  • "Man who stand on toilet, high on pot."
  • "Man who buy drowned cat pay for wet pussy."
  • "Don't you know you the scum of society?!"
  • "Man trapped in pantry has ass in jam."
  • "You never going to score."
  • "You try harder get along. Be a nice man."
  • "26-31-43-82-16-29"
  • "Your chi attracts many chicks."
  • "Man who fart in church sit in own pew."
  • "It is better to have loved and lost than to have loved and got syphilis"
  • "There is much death in future."
  • "(c)1997, 3DRealms fortune cookie company."
  • "Courtesy is contagious. So is Gonorrhea"
  • "Having sex is like playing bridge, If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand."
  • "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs at you."
  • "No one ever died from a broken heart. But a heart sliced from their chest while they looked on screaming? Not gonna lie. That's killed a couple people."
  • "ERROR 404 - FORTUNE NOT FOUND"

Shadow Warrior (2013) Edit

  • Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is the best. - FZ
  • No one ever died of a broken heart. But a heart sliced from their chest while they look on screaming? Not gonna lie. That's killed a couple people.
  • A Wang in the hand is worth two in the bush.
  • You will stop procrastinating. Later.
  • Cardboard belt is a waist of paper.
  • The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is all a matter of taste.
  • Some days you're the pigeon. Other days you're the statue. Today is more of a statue day.
  • You don't need a parachute to skydive. You need a parachute to skydive twice.
  • Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs at you.
  • That's what ki said.
  • The good news: you're not paranoid. The bad news: everyone is actually trying to kill you.
  • Ingredients: wheat, sugar, lysergic acid diethylamide, yellow #5.
  • Small cookies bring great joy.
  • It is better to have loved and lost than to have had loved and gotten syphilis.
  • Cookie monster wasn't here.

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