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All Fortune Cookie texts from Shadow Warrior Classic, Wanton Destruction, Twin Dragon, Shadow Warrior (2013) and Shadow Warrior 2.

Classic Edit

  • "Sorry, you no win this time, try again."
  • "Baseball wrong. Man with 4 balls cannot walk."
  • "No man is island, except Lo Wang."
  • "You should kill all business associates."
  • "You should not scratch yourself there."
  • "Man who stand on toilet, high on pot."
  • "Man who buy drowned cat pay for wet pussy."
  • "Don't you know you the scum of society?!"
  • "Man trapped in pantry has ass in jam."
  • "You never going to score."
  • "You try harder get along. Be a nice man."
  • "26-31-43-82-16-29"
  • "Your chi attracts many chicks."
  • "Man who fart in church sit in own pew."
  • "It is better to have loved and lost than to have loved and got syphilis"
  • "There is much death in future."
  • "(c)1997, 3DRealms fortune cookie company."
  • "Courtesy is contagious. So is Gonorrhea"
  • "Having sex is like playing bridge, If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand."
  • "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs at you."
  • "No one ever died from a broken heart. But a heart sliced from their chest while they looked on screaming? Not gonna lie. That's killed a couple people."
  • "ERROR 404 - FORTUNE NOT FOUND"

Shadow Warrior (2013) Edit

  • Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is the best. - FZ
  • No one ever died of a broken heart. But a heart sliced from their chest while they look on screaming? Not gonna lie. That's killed a couple people.
  • A Wang in the hand is worth two in the bush.
  • You will stop procrastinating. Later.
  • Cardboard belt is a waist of paper.
  • The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is all a matter of taste.
  • Some days you're the pigeon. Other days you're the statue. Today is more of a statue day.
  • You don't need a parachute to skydive. You need a parachute to skydive twice.
  • Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs at you.
  • That's what ki said.
  • The good news: you're not paranoid. The bad news: everyone is actually trying to kill you.
  • Ingredients: wheat, sugar, lysergic acid diethylamide, yellow #5.
  • Small cookies bring great joy.
  • It is better to have loved and lost than to have had loved and gotten syphilis.
  • Cookie monster wasn't here.
  • It’s better to have love and loss than love and get syphlis.

Shadow Warrior 2 Edit

  • Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin
  • You're never too old to learn something stupid.
  • With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
  • I love the smell of cookies in the morning. Smells like... Cookies.
  • The forecast calls for... Death? Yup. I'm just seeing a whole lot of death. Bummer for you, I guess.
  • 'Fućk Confucius'. - Bill Hicks. *
  • He who takes advice from a cookie is sure to crumble.
  • Confucius say it is easy to hate and difficult to love. Frankie say relax.
  • You don't need a parachute to skydive. You need a parachute to skydive twice.
  • Thank you Lo Wang! But your fortune is in another cookie!
  • All men eat, but Fu Man Chu.
  • Help! I am being held prisoner in a video game factory.
  • The good news: you're not paranoid. The bad news: everyone is actually trying to kill you.
  • You are not illiterate.
  • Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs at you.
  • Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a great hand.
  • The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is all a mater of taste.
  • Your mom says hi.
  • Add 'in bed' to this fortune to make it super sexy. In bed!
  • Lucky numbers: 23, 34, 42, 69, 666.
  • Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
  • There is no cookie.
  • You're the best. Around. Nothing's ever going to keep you down.
  • It's time to kick áss and chew bubble gum. And... Oh look! Here's my gum! *
  • It is better to have loved and lost than to have had loved and gotten syphilis.
  • 404: Fortune not found.
  • (C)2013 Flying Wild Fortune Cookie Company.
  • A Wang in the hand is worth two in the bush.
  • Ingredients: wheat, sugar, lysergic acid diethylamide, yellow #5.
  • These aren't the cookies you're looking for.
  • Some mistakes are too fun to make only once.
  • Courtesy is contagious. So is gonorrhea.
  • The Wang abides.
  • No one ever died of a broken heart. But a heart sliced from their chest while they look on screaming? Not gonna lie. That's killed a couple people.
  • Whoever coined the phrase 'quiet as a mouse' never stepped on one.
  • What's a seven-letter word for 'cryptic'?
  • You will find a fortune cookie.
  • Cookie Monster wasn't here.
  • That's what Ki said.
  • No Wang is an island.
  • This is my katana, this is my gun. One for killing, the other's for... OK, the other's also for killing.
  • Live Wang and prosper.
  • Some days you're the pigeon, other days you're the statue. Today is more of a statue day.
  • Fortune favors those who shoot the bold right in their stupid bold faces.
  • All your cookie belong to us.
  • Live each day like it's your last. Or at least today, because... Oh I don't want to spoil it.
  • Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people look brilliant, until you hear them speak.
  • Chew, or chew not. There is no pie.
  • Cardboard belt is a waist of paper.
  • To maintain perfect accuracy, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  • The early bird gets the worm. The second mouse gets cheese.
  • Baseball has it wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.
  • You will stop procrastinating. Later.
  • To be is to do. - Socrates
    To do is to be. - Sarte
    Do be do be do. - Sinatra
  • Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
  • Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is the best. - FZ
  • Man who drops soap in prison shower is super bummed.
  • There can be only Wang.
  • You will be attacked by demons.
  • Small cookies bring great joy.
  • That's all, folks! Don't toss your cookies!